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October 24, 605

“What’s the difference between Viscus Iceheart and the ship he rode in on?”

“One’s a rotting, hulking, ugly piece of junk full of undead seamen, and the other one is the ship he rode in on.”

-Clanegdin Alehammer of the Stonewood Dwarves

Welcome to Meddlar! (anybody got a donut?)

   The weather in the newly-named Scarletton is dreary and dismal, with misty rains coating everything in a fine sheen of wet.  An enormous number of adventurers have turned out for this gather, filling the streets with a bustling atmosphere.  Most of the houses are full to bursting with visitors, leaving top space at a premium.  The newly appointed good Baron Turiel arrives late, after purifying some of his land from the undead scourge, but arrives well and in-style. 

Rumours, mostly true

The following rumours were gleaned from a traveling dwarf named Graven:

            * Pirates have been burying undead and treasure

                        This rumour was proved true and false – two treasure maps were found, and both had directions to dig up many many leviathans, yet little or no treasure was found.  Very funny, Viscus.

            * A man with runes on his face had been seen lurking in the deathlands.

                        It is unknown whether this was true or not.

            * The dark elves are starting a war with the “upworlders,” and Scarletton is to be their first topside stronghold.

                        The dark elves denied this vehemently – and believably.  It would seem unlikely that dark elves would voluntarily create a living space topside.

            * Commodore Viscus is weak on the full moon

                        Also unknown, as it was not a full moon this rumour could not be tested.  However, it is known that Viscus, unlike many liches, does not have a bottle, and therefore, if he could ever be caught, would be a one-hit kill.  This may have actually contributed to his longevity, since, having more to lose, he is possibly much more cautious and cunning than your average lich.

            * There are evil elementals roaming around who want to kill all they see.

                        When is this ever not true?

            * There is a faceless man out to kill people

                        True.  More on the bogeyman later.

            * The duke put Baron Turiel into Meddlar in order to have Viscus kill him.

                        Hopefully resoundingly false.

            * Commodore Viscus is spying for the duke, using his undead and others as spies – why else has he not marched on the town?

                        Since he did march on the town – in a nasty and bloody battle – perhaps we can assume this is false.

            * There are ghosts following an undead mummy.

                        If so, it was not reported having been seen.

            * The Pirate Lich once worked for Mysh Tal Rae (or however you spell that anymore)

                        Not proven true or false – and who’s going to ask either of them?

How do you make a tissue dance?  Put a little bogey in it…

The appearance of the faceless entity folks were calling the Boogeyman caused many a fright and scare.  He entered cabins through the Wards and hid in closets, banging until someone came to investigate and then popped out and cast Arcane Fear on all nearby.  The second of these incidents happened in the gypsies' cabin.  The Boogeyman was seen entering the cabin in time to warn the Blackbirds.  They found him in an upstairs bedroom closet and attacked him with several different types of attacks, but none affected him because he was non-corporeal.  During this first battle he cast Arcane Fear only but later he also cast Wither and Taint Blood.  During the gather many theories erupted of how to avoid or affect him.  One person's theory was to sing him a song, another's was to show no fear and instead hug him, and another's was to hide under a blanket; his reasoning being that that is the traditional way to avoid monsters in the closet.  When the hug theory was tested the person's limbs were withered before he could complete the hug.  A direct account of the blanket theory was heard, and the person hiding was not attacked, despite being very close to the Boogeyman.  In many cases, people without weapons, people showing no fear or people who simply walked away were not attacked.  All in all, most puzzling and frightening, to the degree that many adventurers found themselves sleeping only fitfully in fear of the thing in their closet.

A brain seeking zombies?

            A brain in a jar, found by youngling adventurer Flame, was seen in town, calling himself The Eternal.  That’s right, it spoke, in a sense, though no voice was actually heard, everyone knew what it was “saying” in their minds.  The thing seemed very self-assured of its own importance in the grand scheme of things, yet refused to give details about his person or where the rest of him went, and is perhaps a creature to be watched for in the future.

Oh, noble niman!

            Early on the first evening, Baron Turiel was graced with a visit by a nimanese noble by the name of Lord Perrin Warsoval, sent on a diplomatic mission by Baron Vladimir Post of Niman.  He had brought with him a large, compressed ball of air, known as a force elemental, which the Baron made sure was tied securely outside the baronial manor.  Baron Post had received a letter from the previous baroness, and had sent Lord Perrin to investigate.  They discussed a few things, such as the liches propensity to salt the earth, when the Baron seemed to remember himself and asked Lord Perrin for his writ.  Lord Perrin shot back quickly, asking to see the baron’s writ, at which point Baron Turiel summoned his newly-appointed squire, Squire Mordock, to produce the copies of those writs.  Due to some communication error, or perhaps solely that Baron Turiel has a lot of work to get his squire into squirely shape, Squire Mordock had failed to make copies of the writs, and such it was that the Baron had no proof with him of his own authenticity.  Thus the issue of the writs was summarily dropped, without either party producing any at all.  They proceeded to discuss old matters, such as the once prolific brood problem that had occurred in Meddlar, which the Baron assured the nimani noble that did not exist anymore (much to his surprise later was it that the brood was, indeed, a problem still)..  Also, the noble asked for the right to deal with any criminal element he should encounter, should he be attacked in the streets (and a marvel that he wasn’t for relations with Niman are tenuous at best, considering that their slaving and undead practices are illegal within Elysia).

            As to the force elemental tied up outside the manor, such had been captured and enslaved, and Lord Perrin had brought it as a gift in order for the town to practice killing it, since at the time it was not known how to dispense with one.

That’s the spirit!

            October is the month for hauntings, it would seem, and no place more haunted than this past gather.  Spirits of every sort, from young and sweet to old, hoary and evil.  Some examples of spirits:  A few gypsies were so possessed as to be compelled to play twister with Clanger of the stonewood dwarves, for some unfathomable reason, unknown even to Clanger himself.  A young child possessed Ash, and the spirit’s sister possessed a new adventurer by the name of Corea, and together they sought out their mother.  Though the spirit of their mother was in fact a horrible banshee, the spirit children were delighted to find her, and managed to quell the banshee’s screams as they all vanished together.  Robin was also subject to some spirits, one that of a tavern wench who danced for coin (it is said that Markus managed to take some magic moving pictures of this event), and the second tending towards the dark and the macabre, a spirit who forced Robin to hurt herslef until she passed out from the pain.  She awoke to find the spirit gone, along with one of her horns.  It is unknown if and when it will grow back.  Yet another adventurer found himself possessed by an evil spirit, a captain, which demanded his own boat.  After being escorted to the water, he found the provisions unsatisfactory and turned on Captain Jalini, felling her quickly.  Guildmaster Kymri found himself in a state of fury, since so many of these spirit problems somehow ended up in the guilds’ lap.  All in all, though full of adventure and curiousity, the spirits ran the gamut and ran circles around the poor, weary adventurers.

Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting treasure

            At least two treasure maps were uncovered this last gather, one of which was sold to Captain Jalini, who found it to be a treasure map to more or less nothing at all.  Whatever was buried was obviously of so little value that she simply gave up in disgust.  The second map, purchased from a goblin named General Girard, yielded no treasure but lots of buried corpses, thus proving one of the rumours given by Graven  to be true.  The small group who chose to explore every mark on that map only found leviathan after leviathan, and though out of dogged greed they never gave up hope of uncovering something useful, all they uncovered was a string of difficult and tiring battles.  It was well into the morning before every X had been discovered and the group retired with naught to show for their efforts.

The misadventures of the general goblin

            Traveling through town, selling soggy, nasty mouldy papers he had fished from the lake, came a goblin, General Girard, a leader of goblin troops that had been cruelly cut down by a scavenger and his dwarven friends.  Amongst those papers fished from the lake were several interesting pieces of information, letters to and from Viscus and other various mysterious figures (such as the hitherto unknown Dr Kattaver), a treasure map, a rejection notice to Viscus that his Ghouls Gone Wild subscription was to be cancelled due to being paid in illegal tender, and other various sundries.  This goblin, himself, though was looking for a sign; no, not a signal from the Fates of what he should do with his life, but the sign for his village, one labeled Goblin Gulch.  He claimed the elephant scavenger had stolen it, and for its return was willing to trade a shovel (a useful item given the proliferation of supposedly buried treasure in the area). 

            Sometime later that elephant scavenger made his appearance (one by the name of Titus), and with him he carried the sign, but demanded a wyvern egg as payment for its return.  The adventurers, had considered simply incapacitating Titus and taking what belonged to the general, yet decided instead to be obliging.  After a long trek through the woods, they were passed up by a screaming band of goblins, with one goblin shaman holding an egg nestled under his arm.  The reason for their flight soon became apparent, as a wyvern floated past, hunting down its stolen egg.  Seeing no need to deal with the wyvern directly, the adventurers simply chased down the goblins, stealing the egg and bolting back to town, leaving the Johnny-come-lately adventurers to deal with the wyvern.  Further deliberations on ways to acquire the egg were abandoned as a few of the group realized caring for a wyvern would likely be more trouble than its worth, they gave Titus his egg, who gave them the sign, which was carried around for the rest of the day, waiting for the general to come claim it.

What color is a dark elf when the color leaves her face?

After many a chase and battle, a small group of common adventurers managed to return the Goblin Gulch sign to the goblin general, who kindly led them to his caves in order to retrieve the shovel.  After battling nasty goblin hordes who had invaded his cavern (a opposing warring tribe, the general said), the adventurers eventually breached into the general’s personal cavern to retrieve the sword.  They considered settling in for tea and cookies, when a strange chittering noise filled the cavern, and out from crevice and crack came an unsettling sight:  Creepy-crawly brood advanced on the adventurers, swinging their claws and paralyzing what they could hit.  Many of the group fled, but a fox scavenger by the name of Kyrsa was quickly felled.  Those that fled brought back with them, surprisingly, a contingent of dark elves, who managed to rescue and heal the fox scavenger before even realizing what they faced.  It was only when one of the original group told the elves they had been beset by lanky bugs that made a strange chittering noise (at which point she did a fair imitation of such a noise) that the dark elves turned tail and fled.  Shimpan Tenuviel said it pointedly, “These are Darien’s lands, and this is Darien’s problem.”  Speeding their progress was the appearance of an ugly, beardless dwarf in his smithing leathers, wielding mightily an axe nearly out of proportion with his figure.  He first killed General Girard, as goblins and dwarves heartily dislike each other it would seem, and then as brood began to pour into the cave he defended the exit valiantly as each and every adventurer showed his or her true color and bolted out the door, and though the fight was likely amazing to watch, no one stayed to support him.  It is unknown what precisely happened to that dwarf, but if his spirit moved on, may it rest in peace.

Commodore Viscus Iceheart places the blame for this infestation of brood squarely on the good baron’s shoulders.  He claims that it was Baron Turiel’s purifying of the land that gave the brood a place to breed, and a viable life deep within the now-fertile earth and the soon-healthy livestock.  He stated that if the land had been left as he had it – doomed, vile, lifeless and cold – the brood would never have had a foothold.

The new baron, when questioned about his plans regarding the brood, had this to say:

      “Brood infestations are nothing to be trifled with.

        Our initial examination of the situation was that we

        did not have the necessary forces in place for an

        immediate solution, so we focused on containing the

        infestation.  Currently, Baronial troops are scouting

        to determine the scope of the threat and are in the

        process of containment.  Specific plans are being

        implemented to destroy the brood, but are classified

        at this time.  We are confident that we will, once

   again, be able to repulse this threat.”

Murderers, thieves, Barons and hoblings

            The hobling Pogo Styx and his newfound friend, Macaroon, daughter of toymaker Persimmon, approached the dark elf house, but apparently not cautiously enough.  Perhaps because of rumours that the panther ghast that had previously plagued the dark elves was somehow caused or summoned by this trite little hobling girl, when Pogo and Macaroon knocked on the dark elf door, in hopes of purchasing a cup of precious bean juice to ward off the chill of the night, they were immediately beset.  Macaroon was quickly paralyzed, and Pogo stepped back and only asked innocently what was going on, having no knowledge of any reason for such an attack.  Despite being clearly unarmed and unprepared, he was killed, and then brought back from that brink of death for questioning by the baron, who was within the dark elf house at the time.

            The baron was completely unable to determine any connection between Pogo or Macaroon and the panther ghast, and allowed them both to leave.  However, for Pogo’s discomfort at being assaulted, attacked, and killed for doing nothing, the good baron kindly refreshed his magic armor and shield magic, and sent him on his way.  It is possible that the baron was under the misconception that somehow Pogo had “started it,” or, as it were, attacked the dark elf first, but witnesses and Pogo himself both confirmed that his hands were in the air, and that he had stepped back and simply asked to know why his friend was being attacked. 

The pumpkin king and the Harvest Queen

            For their excellent work in the harvest ritual pumpkin carving contest, Kyrsa and Asheros were crowned harvest king and queen, and awarded the prize of gold, a crown, and a whole damn pie.  It is unknown whether the newly crowned “royalty” chose to share their pie with anyone else, but rest assured it was most likely delicious.

            Some hours before that, though, the pumpkin king was spotted in town, laughing it up in orange, but was most certainly struck down as a false ruler. 

Pogo Styx, defender of the pumpkin

            With the excellent work of several adventurers displayed beautifully outside the commoner cabin, the lure of pumpkins drew more than just awed onlookers.  Sneaky, nasty little kobolds tried to approach stealthily, but the sharp eyes of the hobling Pogo Styx kept them at bay, as he valiantly and stridently kept the pumpkins from being stolen and smashed by the vile little creatures.  All hail Pogo Styx, knight errant of pumpkin-keeping.

Baldours fence, and the title of Gatekeeper

            A dwarf, who had earlier announced the auctioning of Baldour’s fence, finally deigned to come to town, visiting each cabin to inform everyone that the auction would soon begin.  A small crowd gathered on the road in the encroaching darkness of evening, and the bidding began at a scant five gold.  It peaked at 57 gold, with Robin the Fair clearly in the lead, and it would seem that it would be sold to her for such a small sum, but the dwarf stalled long enough that a few more bidders joined.  The war began in earnest, and it reached the staggering sum of one hundred and sixty gold, for which it sold to Robin the Fair, and her two companions in this venture, Clanegdin Alehammer and Pogo Styx.  Because Robin paid the greater part of the sum, the fence will reside with her between gathers, but it will not be surprising to see it in the hands of either Clanger or Pogo, since Robin herself cannot wield a shield.

            “Honestly, I was just trying to drive up the price to make sure someone paid a proper amount of money for it.  Unfortunately, my plan backfired when the dark elves caught on, and that someone ended up being me.  Fortunately, I now have a sturdy little gate, should I ever care to build a quaint cottage around it.”  -Robin the Fair

            A rumour was heard that shortly after that dwarf received his 160 gold, he was cut down in a back alley by an unknown assailant, and likely everything of value was stolen from him, however, it is hard to say what actually occured because no sightings of him have been reported since.

We do not keep our hamsters in a force ball

            One of the gifts brought from Niman was a force elemental, captured and slaved to the will of the Nimani noble.  It was brought for inspection and experimentation, since the tough little buggers were difficult to kill.  Although very little besides magic blows affected it, pins were effective against holding it in place, and in fact they made an excellent road guard, as they would attack anything that came near (with damage that went straight through armor and crushed bone and blood), thus actually aiding adventurers when undead skeletons wandered too near the force elemental.

The most unusual undead…

            It seems that some liches will turn anything undead – very very late on the last night of the gather, a strange and peculiar pup was seen running through the woods.  Fearing a lost pet, some adventurers chased after it, only to find it a walking corpse, some mangy-mix-breed mutt that did little but lead everyone on a merry chase before it was caught and brought to heel.

Dr Kattaver and his island of misfit toys

            The hobling, Macaroon, in her joy at her newfound friends (mostly Pogo and whatever crew he had decided to join up with at that time), invited them all to return to some island in the lake and meet her father, Persimmon, the toymaker.  Her friends, trusting the sweet girl, agreed, and were boated across a river by a strange boatman.  The island they arrived at did contain Persimmon, but he had secured himself with the safety of a circle, as the rest of the island was infested with undead.  Not wanting to explore a place where they were so clearly outnumbered, Macaroon’s friends swiftly departed with a treasure map, and spent the rest of the evening digging in the dark, cold woods, and still feeling safer than they did on that creepy island.

A panther, aghast

            For unknown reasons (perhaps some dark elf cruelty, as it is rumoured that they had earlier destroyed an orphanage and killed every child inside) a panther ghast seeking dark elves was set upon the dark elf house.  The fighting spilled into the streets as the dark elves battled it valiantly, but possibly because of their secular world view, no other adventurers not of the dark elf persuasion sought to help them.  They did triumph, eventually, and while no one had to visit the circle, at least one or two dark elves were killed and barely saved in time.

That’s what we call a blanket beating

            In a brief moment of ingenuity, a few adventurers found themselves forced to throw a blanket on top of one of the many floating skulls that had plagued them all throughout the day.  This one had wandered in through an open door, and was bouncing around the inside of the commoner house.  A few people threw a blanket on it, thus vastly impairing its spell casting abilities, dragged it outside, and simply ran their swords through the blanket until the skull dissipated.

Trifecta of the iron forge

            Into town came a dwarf named Borch, who told adventurers of the undead within the fireforge that had killed his brother, and tortured him for two weeks.  He pleaded with the town to help him, and this is what they found:

            Hordes of icy undead had overtaken the fireforge, freezing the dwarves’ ability to make any decent sort of weapon or armor (as specifically noted by the sudden proliferation of nearly useless pieces of armor, and weapons adventurers found difficult to even give away for free).  Very nearly the entire town that had amassed for this gather went to the forge to drive off the undead, and after splitting into two teams, they managed to slaughter almost all of the nasty, icy creatures.  Yet, the forges needed re-lit, and to that end the dwarves again enlisted aide to traverse the trap-riddled dwarven caverns, first from the dark elves (who were recruited by some creature known only as The Eternal, who appeared as a brain floating in a jar of green liquid), who retrieved a fire crystal (and then refused to give it to the dwarves, demanding compensation in return), and then a second group traversed similar caverns in search of the second fire crystal, who, after handing over the crystal willingly, kindly, and happily (apparently feeling compensated enough by the strange proliferation of cookies, or “dwarf snax” throughout the maze), had the crystal returned to them after the dwarves had used it to relight the forges, and a third group released a fire elemental, who fully re-lit the fires.  Good luck to the dwarves on improving their production value, now that they have the means and the tools to do so.

Fool’s gold

            Prolifically throughout the gather was the appearance of gold dubloons, which were in no way any sort of legal money, but still made a fascinating discovery nonetheless.  A letter purchased from a leery dwarf stated that if 75 of the dubloons were returned to Commodore Viscus Iceheart, a great reward would be waiting.  As to who would trust a lich’s word, rumours of some adventurers considering the offer persisted, but there is yet to be any proof that anyone was able to actually visit Viscus upon his island.  However, with the gather finished, it would seem the opportunity has passed, and the dubloons are now little more than collectable trinkets.

Paid advertisement:  SMA seeks golden opportunity

            Single Mystic Adventurer seeks golden dubloons – These shiny pieces have strangely fascinated me, though useless as real currency I will gladly trade for them.  Please contact Robin the Fair, chef_jenny AT lycos DOT com, or simply come see me at the next gather in Elysia.

And the winner is:

    We recently sponsored a story-telling contest, and though all the submissions were hearty and fascinating tales, the story submitted by Papa Lanesh was deemed the winner.  His entry follows this report, after a special edition of an opinion column by Clanegdin Alehammer, which you may peruse at your leisure.  Congratulations, Papa Lanesh, and hopefully the prize from the good Baroness Tynare will be satisfying to you.

Special thanks on contributions to this issue go to:  Guest “Writer,” Clanegdin Alehammer, Papa Lanesh, Poisoned Thorn, Wren, Salamandar, and Leafy.

Questions?  Comments?  Please contact us at dedicatedrose AT yahoo DOT com.  We would love to hear from you.

If you, also, would like to place an advertisement, or have an opinion you’d like to share, please also contact us at the above named address.